THE EYEBROWS
by Chesh-cat-rus
Summary: It's a story-musical dedicated to the great Eyebrows of Darren Criss :   And yes, we know it's weird.


Title: EYEBROWS ON BROADWAY  
Fandom: Glee  
Authors: Chesh_cat_rus and Maria:)))  
Rating: PG-13 (does eyebrow sex actually HAVE a rating?..)  
Pairing: THE EYEBROWS  
Genre: banter, angst, romance, musical  
Disclaimer: Both eyebrows belong to Blaine (Darren Criss)  
Authors' note: It's gonna be a Broadway musical, then a movie! The movie will be nominated for Grammy, Palme d'Or, Oscar and all the other possible awards.

EYEBROWS ON BRADWAY!  
A story about two talented eyebrows of modest means starting their career, struggling through obstacles and asperity on their way to stardom.

Eyebrow#1. Codename: Mr. Handsome.  
Mr. Handsome used to live in the most luxurious hotels of the world, ride the most expensive cars, sleep with the hottest nippers…  
But, unexpectedly and rather unfortunately, Mr. Handsome was faced with horrible events: the tax service appeared out of nowhere, so he had to quickly move to Chicago with only one million dollars with him. He squandered most of his money during the first month there, so he had to be careful not to spend the rest of it too soon…

Eyebrow#2. Codename: Mr. Scamp.  
Mr. Scamp loved hitch-hiking without a penny in his pockets. He's always optimistic, being the son of eyebrow-farmers from Oklahoma.  
Mr. Scamp happens to wind up in Chicago, too, although for completely different reasons: while chilling in Washington, DC, with his stoned companion, he gets a call from his parents in Oklahoma, begging him to fly to Chicago and find his aunt who needs to pass him some extremely important recipes for his dear farmer mother…

It turns out, Mr. Handsome was staying in the same cheap hotel as Mr. Scamp's aunt. And one beautiful evening they met at the reception… It was love at first sight…  
Mr. Handsome was intrigued by the tall hot eyebrow raised in the wide fields of Oklahoma, while Mr. Scamp was intrigued by the aristocratic handsome eyebrow who seemed to not fit into that place at all…  
All night long they were having passionate eyebrow sex, changing positions, exploring every inch of each other's hairs…  
*-Are they having sex and singing at the same time?..  
- Yes. Yes they are…*  
The eyebrow from Oklahoma turned out to be a very talented instrumentalist – he often made money by playing various instruments while traveling around America. And Mr. Handsome had an extremely sexy velvety voice and unique eyebrowish charisma.  
So, after a week of hot eyebrow sex Mr. Scamp took their neighbors' guitar, sat down, naked, and started playing it and singing to Mr. Handsome:

Baby, I love you!  
Every minute of every hour.  
Baby, I want you!  
Especially rubbing my back in the shower!

When I first met you,  
I knew it was fate from the start,  
Whatever other eyebrows say,  
We'll never fall apart.

Your beauty is divine,  
Your lips are roses, red and sweet,  
I'm not as bad as you might think,  
I'll sweep you off your feet!

Mr. Handsome suddenly jumped out of the bed and shouted:  
- Baby, we're going on Broadway!

…That's how the story begins:  
First, we see Mr. Handsome singing the first song, then Mr. Scamp will appear and sing the same song his own way:  
My name is Handsome, my life is sweet,  
I'd say I stand firmly on my feet, but I have no feet!  
My hair is thick,  
My voice is awesome,  
I'm always spotted with a chick,  
So baby, don't be shy and show me your bosom!

Here the melody becomes lighter, although the tune stays the same, and we see Mr. Scamp riding along an interstate between Florida and Georgia with his stoned companion:  
My name is Scamp, my life is sweet,  
I like to travel, it makes my existence complete!  
I'm just a guy,  
My destiny is bright:  
I'm an eyebrow: soft and dry,  
And so, my life is gonna be all right!

On Broadway they tried their best, signing for every available audition, but they were taken only for secondary eyebrows roles… That casted Mr. Handsome down. He hated being the second…  
When they went to their first Broadway run-through, they were a gorgeous duet together, but the stage director didn't like it… He said that there was no way such eyebrows could become the stars of Broadway, that only plucked eyebrows were popular nowadays and blah-blah-blah…  
So the duo sang a song they had invented - "You are my eyebrow, my only eyebrow, you make me happy when skies are gray…"  
Mr. Handsome was alki driven into despair, growing bald… He started drinking nail polish… Mr. Scamp tried to pull him out of depression, but he had to get money for living urgently, so he had to try playing the roulette and he finally got heated…  
So, Mr. Scamp lost all their money… Things got worse… Mr. Handsome came home dead drunk, reeking of nail polish and dentifrice…  
And one day they picked their quarrel right in the street…  
- Scamp! Do you realize we have no money even to buy chips' crumbs? We have nothing to eat!  
- Oh, yeah? Then maybe you'll give up drinking enamel and just do something useful?  
And at that moment Mr. Scamp started singing a song about love and betrayal…  
And so here goes a hot desperate eyebrow kiss…  
And they were noticed by a mighty eyebrow producer who was buying a bagel alongside…  
And when they, red-hot, stopped singing, panting and looking in each other's eyes, while that producer ran up to them and determined their potential and gave his business card… but they didn't even notice him 'coz at that certain moment they fell in love with each other for the second time in their life, and they ran right to their small apartment on the corner of the 19th and 3rd aves… They sang a song, but much more tender and henotic, and had a long night full of hot eyebrow sex…  
The mighty eyebrow producer created their new public image - it's not like he had a lot to change, EYEBROWS was an extremely advantageous project.  
He helped them record several songs in Broadway style where Mr. Scamp was playing ukulele…  
And between concerts there are scenes of hot eyebrow sex!  
And no more playing the roulette, drinking nail polish and sniffing dentifrice…  
And yeah! Mr. Scamp'll be the greatest ukulele player ever!  
And finally they'll have their own glorious musical! THE EYEBROWS!  
THE EYEBROWS'll be even more popular than the CATS, 'coz the pair of eyebrows'll get Darren Chris as a producer!  
The fans are delighted; they're rich!  
Yep! And a thunderous applause from everywhere!  
And the end's like… they give such a beautiful show, and everyone applauses and they're both together on the scene, cuddling…  
And Darren Chris in a maniac impulse grabs them and glues them with the super glue to his forehead!  
And so they live long and happily above his eyes!  
But no more hot eyebrow sex :(


End file.
